When Giving It Away Is Too Hard for Mommy

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            One of the biggest surprises I've discovered in parenting is how often your own children can teach you lessons. In my case, I had agreed with the kids to have a house purging. We would clean out everything that was not being used or was not needed, and we would give it to other families who could actually make use of them.

            The irony of this, of course, is that the cleaning brought me back to something I wrote about in the last blog carnival and quite unexpectedly at that. As the girls were cleaning out their rooms, Jenevieve came to me with a folded blanket, placed it on the give away pile, and said quite seriously, "I'm ready to give this away."

            At first, I thought it was just one of the extra blankets that we kept in case the power went out, but when I unfolded it, my heart sank. It was the sister blanket that I had bought for Jenevieve and Saja back when we first brought Saja home. I had gone to Vision Bedding, uploaded pictures of my beautiful little girls, ordered the custom blanket, and given it to Jenevieve to remind her of her connection with her baby sister, Saja. Over the years and washings, the blanket had faded a little, but the pictures were just as beautiful. It still had my art work, but most importantly, it had my little girls' faces. I just couldn't imagine letting it go.

An Urge to Hold

            I shook my head when I looked at the blanket. "You can't give this away, sweetheart," I said. My fists knotted over the blanket, turning my knuckles as white as the background. "This is a keepsake."

            Jenevieve cocked her head, looking at me with that very perplexed look. "But we have lots of extra blankets, Mommy," she said. "I don't need that anymore. I'm not going to forget that Saja is my sister now."

            Dej saw my reaction. He winked at Jenevieve and patted her on the shoulder. "Looks like you're being pretty thorough," he said. "Why don't you go back in and finish going through the toy box."

            Jenevieve obeyed, skipping along. Her thick braids bobbed with her, and she left without a clue that she had so deeply upset me. Dej tried to comfort me. It was very kind, but the truth was that I felt as if a part of me was being rejected. I had done some of the artwork on this blanket, and while I still had the originals, these were my babies' faces on the blanket. They looked so precious and angelic. How could I possibly give this away?

More Surprises

            Dej and I did not discuss the matter much. We just went back about our cleaning. But somehow the blanket followed me. I kept holding it, tucking it under my chin and snuggling it under my arms. I remembered holding Jenevieve and Saja at different times swaddled in this blanket, reading them stories and wishing away the nightmares. I had never dreamed that they might decide that they had outgrown this blanket. After all, wasn't this exactly what a keepsake was supposed to be?

            By the time we were ready for dinner and sat down to a full table of vegetable soup, rye bread, and steamed apples, the girls had put together a large pile of things to give away. I had always thought that we kept things pretty pared down, considering. But even so we had a lot to give away. Jenevieve and Saja talked with great excitement, imagining what the other children would say when they gave them these things. They had already decided that they wanted to take the clothes, toys, and other items to the West Street Church. They were gathering supplies and necessities for families who had had their homes destroyed in the flooding.

            "I hope that we can give it to them in person." Saja said. She tore off a piece of rye bread and dipped it in her soup. "I want to see their faces when we give them Milka and Bernita."

            My spoon dropped on the table. Milka and Bernita were the rag dolls that I had made the girls when two Christmases ago. I had made everything. The dolls, the clothes, the shoes. This community project was taking a turn I had never expected.

            Dej intervened. "Are you sure you want to do that, girls?" he asked. "You might want those dolls back. Your mom spent a lot of time making them."

            "We're too old for dolls now," Jenevieve said. "Besides, there's little kids out there who lost all theirs. They'd like them better. Besides, it's in our rules."

            I nodded numbly. The girls had come up with their own set of rules which they planned to use to determine what to get rid of. I had never imagined that this would lead to such precious things being given away.

Letting Go

            It's hard to realize that our children can sometimes have a better grasp on perspective than we do. I know that I could have substituted out another blanket or hidden this one away, but in that moment, I knew that I was teaching my children a very valuable lesson. As for the dolls, they insisted on giving those away as well.

            By letting the blanket and dolls go, I was letting them know that they were right to value other people's needs above sentimentality. The truth was that this blanket was soft, well made, and beautiful. Its value was not merely in sentimentality, and, after all of the tragedy and hardship that has beset this country, another mother could use this blanket for her children. What good is sentimentality when there is such suffering and pain?

            Now I'm not going to tell you that I wasn't teary eyed when we went down to the church. The kids were in the back of the car, and the baby was in the sling. I'm just glad that he was there, because then I had something to hold onto. The fact was that I actually felt very silly. I was a grown woman, and my response made no sense.

            But when we reached the church, the pastor and some of the volunteers were there with some of the families. The girls hopped out of the van, carrying baskets of their used toys and goods. They presented them to the pastor, broad smiles on their little faces. And my little boy followed along dragging one of his trucks. (He had tried to make his mommy feel better by telling me that he would never give away the stuffed lion I made him.)

            The kids presented the toys and clothes. They then volunteered us to help sort and organize the rest of the incoming supplies. Since Dej was working and I had all of the kids, we did stick around to help out. The supplies kept coming in, and the families in need also began to come as well.

            Everything was given away by the end of the afternoon. A mother with two toddler girls took Milka and Bernita, and another mother with a newborn took the sister blanket. I am glad that we stayed to volunteer. As hard as it was, it helped to realize that the gifts would serve a greater purpose in their new homes. And ultimately, I am thankful that my daughters understand that people are more important than things.

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